its day 199. i shouldn’t be counting the days but i am. i’m going to find a way to celebrate tomorrow (we should all find ways to celebrate even the little things). i try to imagine my life back then as an addict and its pretty scary. was i really sucha slave to the cig back then? i was, wasn’t i? waking up, the first thing on my mind was to light up…after meals, it was my dessert only i didn’t have to leave room for it. my philosophy was always the 3 states of matter matter: every man deserves to endulge in good food, good drink and good smoke. what a rotten way of thinking that was.
but am i fully recovered? have i fully healed from the scars? am i ready to go back home now? i sound like i checked myself into the betty ford clinic. even though its only been 6 months (vs 15 years), i really can’t imagine going back to the way i was. it boggles me how i even got this far in korea, a country where most of the men here still smoke. its in my face everyday, every hour. knowing what i know now, i couldn’t. because it is through my newfound faith in God that empowers me now. He has answered my prayers and that is what rejuvenates me. through Him all things are possible. i don’t know why i neglected You before. i know You’re listnin’