i’m sorry for feeling sorry, but i’m sorry

i’m so glad the whole media frenzy about cho being korean is starting to die down.  even though no major backlash hit us, it was still quite stressing for a lot of us here.  why, you ask?  because it happened before.  why hasn’t it happened, or happened yet?  because i think america is a lot smarter than it used to be.  i am confident in and proud of the american people for continuing to learn from the mistakes it makes from racism. it’s still is not perfect, but at least it is the one country that continues to try and make things right. 

but this week was also a good time for all of us to reflect on ones self and to see what it all means to us.


as for how i feel…i do feel responsible.  i’m sorry.  i just do.  it must be the korean side of me talking.  i do feel that he was one of our own.  i’m trying to be more assimilated but just the fact that it were my immigrant parents who taught me how to eat, shit and take off my shoes, i feel somewhat shameful about all this.  maybe its because when we speak in korean, we talk in terms of woori or “ours” making everything personal or of possession.  i do know that at the very least, i’m consistent in my thinking.  the opposite of shame is pride and when korea made it to the final rounds of the world cup, i felt extremely proud.  i’m sorry if you missed out on that sensation.

maybe its because we failed him as a society…i don’t know.  there were many signs from the beginning.  maybe we need to set up better radars or screening systems to lookout for people like him. 

i do see however, given the right circumstances, the same thing could have happen to me or to one of my friends had we not had the good community or church behind us…had we not found the circle of friends that surrounds us today.  maybe i wouldn’t have gone as far, but i think i could have been capable of doing something very desperate in the likes.  i do see how somebody could have gone absolutely crazy had he wandered off into the deepest darkest corners by himself, never having anyone to help him out or throw him out a life vest. 

maybe ultimately in the end, we really couldn’t do anything for this guy.  maybe the tragedies that happened this week should be serving as a reminder that we should constantly be reaching out to one another.  to ask how someone is doing from time to time when you haven’t heard from them in a while.  to be a brother to a brother or to a sister or vice versa.  by all means, i no angel when it comes to all this. but we should really be sending each other constant reminders to one another that we are never alone in this world and that we should all try to love those who might otherwise not be loved. 


4 thoughts on “i’m sorry for feeling sorry, but i’m sorry

  1. i am sorry for him,too And thank you so much for the dinner, it was so GOOD! i wish i could visit Chicago soon, and i was so impressed by your korean, i really didn’t know you speak that well, hope you keep on studying korean,bye!

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